Archive for July 1st, 2007|Daily archive page

What’s wrong with me?

While doing some research just now, sister Ann happened on line and we grabbed the opportunity to chat.

Topics around me…

Well, not much specific. Just rambling. Somehow I got myself into emotional, I cried while I was chatting with her. I wonder,  what’s going on?

Was that because of my aunt? Just felt very sorry indeed that I couldn’t attend her funeral…What’s more? Not really sure. May be for the uncertainty of life, unsecure of life, being apart, fear of facing many things alone here by myself, lack of confidence to bring up my kids, fear of getting to know the bad news, fear of….Oh, what’s wrong with me? Didn’t I promise myself that no matter how, I need to carry on; no matter how, I should give myself the encouragement to face the fear that actually always around me? Didn’t I promise myself no matter how, I should give myself a good smile though how tough my life is…

I couldn’t stop my tears while I was IM with her. I hate this feeling. A real mixed feeling inside. A feeling that is so complicated and somehow I really couldn’t figure out what’s the problem is. 

I can’t help myself but burst into tears when I deeply sensed my sis’s love and care. I may be fragile, I may be emotional, but that’s always me since young. That’s always a disgusting me and I’ve tried all the ways not to have such kind of character but years after years, I am still a crying bun.

My eyes were swallen as I was writing this post…